Fuck Marry Kill is a new Off-Broadway play about super rich Connecticut teenagers spinning wildly out of control during prom season. The stakes are high as backstabbing, secret spilling, and epic teenage drama mixes with hints of drama-heavy Jacobean classical theater.
We stopped by rehearsal to play some Fuck Marry Kill with the cast, director, and playwright. Here's what went down:
FMK: Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig
"Ok, this is gonna get controversial. I have a real crush on Kristen Wiig, but crushes can burn out. I would marry Tina Fey, I would fuck Kristen Wiig, and I would kill Leslie Schnope (sic)...I mean, Amy Poehler."
FMK: Lin-Manuel Miranda, Stephen Sondheim, Andrew Lloyd Webber
"I'd fuck the shit out of Stephen Sondheim, I'd marry the fuck out of Lin-Manuel, and it's a process of elimination, so kill Andrew."
RACHEL B. JOYCE
FMK: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, George Clooney
"Fuck all of them! (laughs)...Okay, marry George Clooney. (Hate)fuck Matt Damon, and then kill Ben Affleck."
FMK: Guitar, Keyboard, Drums
Fuck the drums, marry the keyboard, and kill the guitar. The keyboard is just a smooth sexy kind of item. The drums is like bang, bang, bang...like fucking!
FMK: Belle, Ariel, and Jasmine
"I would definitely marry Jasmine, oh wait, the logistics of fucking Ariel...so maybe I marry Ariel and I fuck Jasmine and I'm sorry, I kill Belle...but that's because she's into the Beast and I'm not really that manly of a guy so I don't think I'd be her type."
FMK: Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry
"Katy Perry's weird right now...I don't know what's going on with her. Imma have to say kill Miley Cyrus, fuck Katy Perry, marry Taylor Swift. Taylor'd take care of me, I think it would work out."
FMK: Barbra Streisand, Angela Lansbury, Carol Channing
"Fuck Barbra Streisand because she's a baller. Angela Lansbury is just solid, so I'd want to be with her until the end. And, so Carol Channing just bites the dust."
FMK: Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, Raisin Bran
"Obviously, kill Fruity Pebbles cause I don't like fake fruity cereal. Fuck Lucky Charms, obviously...they're magically delicious and that little leprechaun's a little cutie anyway, and marry Raisin Bran because that seems like a boring stable marriage thing."
FMK: Keys, Wallet, Phone
"Marry keys, fuck phone, kill wallet. I think that speaks for itself!"
FMK: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who
"Fuck The Rolling Stones, marry The Beatles, sorry The Who, you're out. Done-zo."
FMK: Books, TV, Music
"This is kind of impossible. Imma have to fuck music, yeah, obviously. I'm going to marry books, and Imma have to kill you tv, sorry. You're ruining the world!"
FMK: Hamilton, West Side Story, Hair
"I would kill West Side Story, I'd fuck Hair and marry Hamilton. Hamilton is the best show I've ever seen, so why wouldn't you marry the best thing you've ever witnessed? Hair is fun and exciting and upbeat."
FMK: Bro, Bruh, Brah
"Kill brah, I hate California. Marry bro, because I've been saying it my entire life and I'm also a big fan of Alex Breaux, and fuck bruh because I'm intrigued."
Fuck Marry Kill runs October 27 - November 12.